The night visitor

I was reading in the Gathering Room, (living room) when I heard a noise, a sort of click coming from the kitchen. I looked at my pets and they were all with me and asleep, two dogs and two cats, a more contented lot as you'll ever see. I heard another crack sound and got up and went into the kitchen looked around and didn't see anything. I waited and waited nothing, no sound. I went back and started reading again and in a minute a heard the sound again. I figured I had a mouse in the house. So, barefoot, I sneaked into the kitchen as quietly as possible and waited as my tired old eyes tried to focus in the very late night hour. LO and BEHOLD a Critter came out of the trash can, it was shaped like a mouse only a thousand times bigger and a whole lot uglier!!

I had a POSSUM in my kitchen !!!!

So like any self respecting woman I grabbed the broom, opened the door and tried to shoo the ugly thing outside. He/She wasn't having any of that broom business, the gray slimy critter slithered behind the stove and I was right behind it with my broom trying to shove it from behind the stove and out the door. I thought I had it on the run as it came out the other side of the stove, so I went over and tried to direct its travel to the door when it looked at me and SNARLED and showed its TEETH. I gave it a good swat with the broom, that was a mistake, it went back behind the stove with me and my broom hot on its ugly tail. I positioned myself so I could see behind the stove and .........NO CRITTER !

I thought to myself 'it must be under the stove', so I shoved my trusty broom under the stove and to my surprise there was no resistance. After giving this a moment's thought I concluded that somehow the ugly thing was up in the stove, so I slowly opened the bottom draw and peeked inside (gee I really ought to clean this drawer some day) no possum ? Where could he be?

I pulled the drawer all the way out of the stove very slowly, I didn't want a possum jumping on me (icky things they are). When the drawer was fully out of the stove I still couldn't see any thing so I got my flash light and shined it into the the bottom of the stove and there was the beast snarling and ready for a fight.

It then occurred to me I was doing all this alone. Where were my trusty dogs ? I looked behind me and there they were, laying on the floor the Shiatsu wagging his tail like he was enjoying the show and the Lab was so sound asleep I thought she was dead, I went over and pushed her with my foot, she came to, sort of, and looked at me like "what ? whats up?"Oh ya,these two are going to be a lot of help, right.

I went for a pistol I figured maneuvering a rifle would be awkward a shot gun would be loud and messy, so I had to decide which pistol the nice big 9mm Smith and Wesson or the .25 cal. Beretta, dainty purse, pistol. I decided on the cute little Beretta. I went back to the kitchen and bent down and pointed the pistol under the stove ..... the critter stared at me with his beady little eyes and snarled. Suddenly it dawned on me if I shot the thing while it is under the stove a bullet may damage the stove, we can't have that ! So I had to come up with plan 'B' or is it 'C' ?

I remembered I had bought a fish net with a long handle to catch the ducks (another story) and it was out in the barn. So out to the barn I go, in the middle of the night, with a little lamp to look for the fish net thingy. Of course it had to be right where I parked the tractor and I had to squeeze myself between the filthy greasy tractor and the junk along the wall so I could reach the brand new shiny fish net. I was thinking to myself "I sure hope I don't step on something again or get one of those spider things on me doing this or worse get grease on my skirt", without incident we returned to the house. "We" were the Shiatsu and I, he being delighted to run around and sniff things in the dark and be playful, I on the other hand full of purpose, ya right, I wanted that ugly critter out of my house, now!

Back in the kitchen I maneuvered the net under the stove the critter growled and made a move and I had him in the net, slowly I pulled him out from under the stove, he didn't look pleased and I was wondering "Okay smarty pants you got it in the net the net is on the floor now what? If you lift the net he gets free and he looks pissed" just then the grey slimy beast makes his move and gets tangled in the net. I quickly shove him out the door into the wash room and he escapes the net and heads BACK AT ME ! I shove the net back at him and he dodges it and comes back at me again. I shove the net at him again and he runs the other way ! Phew, that was interesting now where the H. E. double hockey sticks did he go ? I opened the door to the yard so we both would have a place to retreat, just in case. I went and got the purse pistol and with the broom in one hand and the dainty .25 cal in the other the search was on.

Where were the dogs you say ? They were at the top of the stairs leading down to the wash room wagging their tails watching their Mom do all the work, not one bark, zip, nadda. They thought I was doing a fine job why interfere ?

I found Mr. Meany, the possum, behind the feed bin I keep there for the chickens. He didn't look like he was going to give up his spot easy. I poked him with the broom he bit it and snarled he wasn't leaving. I figured if he got out of there he would attack one of my other animals like my cats or the chickens so his fate was sealed. I took steady aim at him and squeezed the trigger and squeezed harder, darn it I forgot to cock the pistol.........BANG! off went one round Sheesh it made a loud noise in that wash room, my ears were ringing. I looked at the the possum and he didn't look fazed by the bullet or the noise......so I shot him again BLAM, more ringing in my ears. Now what ? I can't leave him there what the heck do you do with a dead possum in your washroom in the middle of the night ?

I came up with plan 'C' or was it 'D' ? I don't know I lost track some where. I went back to the barn and got a shovel, returned to the house and shoved the shovel under the lifeless body of the possum and balanced it on the shovel hauled it outside in the dark, I gave it a mighty heave, ya right old lady might heave, ya sure. he landed on the wood pile I put the shovel against the wall and slammed the door. The dogs were proud of me I could tell by their wagging tails and pink tongues hanging out.

So what did you do with your evening ?

P.S. I went to the clinic today and consulted with the Nurse Practitioner about my foot that I stepped on the nail with and we agreed that the foot is getting better and to continue taking the current meds.

P.P.S. For those of you who will think I was a cold hearted you know what (rimes with itch)

for killing the innocent little animal, don't waste your time telling me about it. This is a farm decisions have to be made and some of them are life and death and I get to decide. You want to make decisions differently that's your business, these are mine.